There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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