I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
