Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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