his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
