i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
