I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
