I have demons in me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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