What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
