When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
