Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
