dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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