I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
