i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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