Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
