yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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