Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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