ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
