There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
