I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
