on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
