"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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