I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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