i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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