Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
