I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
