If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
