You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
