I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
