my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
