Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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