First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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