And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Green mimosas i think yes
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
