I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
