I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
