haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
