I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
