I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
