I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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