I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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