i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
