Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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