Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
