he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
