I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
