DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
