i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
