Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
