five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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