i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
