if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
