Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
