At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
