the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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