What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
