I need help removing her.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
