Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I still have a little drunk in my system
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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